An egg abuse warning from Jim Crace
Spitting in the omellette is a fine revenge. Or overloading it with pepper. But take care not to masturbate into the mix, as someone in the next village did, sixty years ago. The eggs got pregnant. When he heated them they grew and grew, becoming quick and lumpy until they could outwit him ( and all his hungry guests waiting with beer and bread out in the yard) by leaping from the pan with their half wings and running down the lane like boys.