Did You Know? You can programme Outlook Express to delete all incoming Forwards and respond with an automated message? Here's one you might like to try.

 

COPY. PASTE. FORWARD.

That forward you sent? I've already got it. I do not wish to keep receiving it. I was neither moved nor inspired. It was neither clever nor funny. I was not amazed at the stupidity of that criminal, nor disgusted, appalled, and chagrined by the government. I do not marvel at how inexpensive things used to be, nor am I astonished that kids today don't know about things that happened before they were born.

The photo? I had that too. I have seen two children of any given ethnicity holding hands. I have seen fat ladies in thongs. I saw the bungee jumper crap his pants and I have seen adults covering themselves or others with vomit, urine, and/or beer in any conceivable arrangment with which you would want to provide me.

I will not be starting or stopping the consumption of any product or service due to the information you provided me in your forwarded email. I will not be winning any contest not will I submit any data for market research.I will not be subverting AOL, Microsoft, Disney, the IRS or any other entity through the continued transmittal of your bogus message. I boycott your boycotts. I will not sign up for whatever affiliate program you've got in your email signature. I do not marvel at The Way Things Used to Be. I do not care about your heart-warming bullshit, for I am a stone and my heart is cold. Genuine friendships are characterized by emails that are written and sent for me and to me. I do not want to be made aware you were thinking of me, I will not stop to smell the flowers, I will not count my blessings, and I live in neither the best nor the worst country on Earth. Jesus and I have a policy of mutual apathy toward one another. That kitten is not cute. Your baby is not the first to walk, talk, or use a toilet.

My answer to your questionnaire is: No. My favorite color is: No. My favorite song is: No. I do not care what tree, dog, fruit, Power Ranger or member of the Ken Ardley Playboys I most resemble. There is no 'All Your Base'. I have seen or heard all your jokes and they weren't funny last time, either and I find recantations of "look at how funny those foreigners are!" xenophobic, trite and tiring. I could continue but will stop now in the hope that the meesage has got through. Thank You.