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I'm boiling water in a beer can so that I can have a LemSip from a Pot Noodle container: the evening didn't start out this way. I thought I would have a pint or two in the various pubs of this scenic Wiltshire village before trying the Chinese takeaway. Well, I had the pints but while trudging through the rain, the flu caught up with me. My emergency sachet of Lemsip was back at the house but I had no kettle or cup. I found a corner shop where I bought a litre of Danish lager, figuring to use the tin as a pan, and a curry Pot Noodle for its cup-like container. I felt that the take away would be an extravagance under the circumstances and elected for a bag of chips as accompaniment for the instant curry.

When I got back to where I was staying, I poured the lager into an empty Evian bottle, washed out the can, filled it with clean water and put it on the gas ring. I found an old gardening glove to remove the can once the water boiled and I filled the PotNoodle container to the designated mark. By this time the chips were cold so I put as many as I could into the noodle container before realising that I had no cutlery. A cardboard scoop soon became soggy and disfunctional and I eventually settled on a broken hinge to scoop the muck into my mouth whilst swigging lager from the Evian bottle.

The effort of blowing up a LiLo didn't aid my digestion and, having cleaned my teeth and washed my face in a bucket, I settled down for the night ahead. I forgot to have the LemSip.